Innocuous World Domination

I was thinking back to when I was but a wee little Blaine and I realized that much like every other kid-- I frequently dreamt up ways to take over the world. I suppose you could say I was like Pinkie and the Blaine.

I was slightly happier than Brain though

After this my trip down memory lane I decided that since I want to blog-- but sometimes struggle with inspiration I will start a recurring theme. What am I writing about today? Why the same thing I write about every (couple of) days! Taking over the world. However there is a twist.

I will stop at nothing to re-use this picture

The challenge I've issued myself is that I have to come up with a plausible way to rule the world beginning with something very innocuous and have some sort of tenuous logical path to the end.  I think it's fitting that for the first edition of Innocuous World Domination, my first step will be to enlist the help of Dramatic Gopher.

I told you I'd use it again

Step One:

Gather an army of gophers that happen to be of the dramatic persuasion. This is a pretty innocent act, and I feel that the only people who will notice are the ones that live on the internet. As soon as I've gathered enough gophers-- say... 10,000, I will begin to train them.

Step Two: Training

At this point, my gopher army will have started to hunger for war, but I can't yet oblige them. As the gopher blood lust continues to grow, I will allow them access to the internet. At first they will enjoy the new-found information, and they will begin to placate themselves. Gophers and other furry creatures are the stars of the internet, why would they want to ruin that?

He's like a kitten, but small

Step Three: The Big Reveal

This is the linchpin of the whole operation; just as soon as the gophers have begun to trust humanity, I show them the dark-side of the internet. I introduce them to... Internet Commenters. The gophers will be forced to read page after page of poorly-spelled vitriol. Comments that make you question yourself, and humanity. It's cruel, but it needs to be done.

What have I done?

Step Four: Recruitment

After my army has discovered a sufficient amount of evidence to fuel their spite, I will unleash them on the world-- not for fighting, but for recruitment. The gophers will venture out and tell the furry brethren about the horrors of the civilized world. A fervor of hatred and fear will sweep across the natural world.

This is where it all begins

Step Five: Victory

Once my minions have gathered enough support, they will begin the infiltration. Disguised as cute and lovable animals, the army will find their way into the homes of unsuspecting Redditors looking for karma. Once they have earned the trust of their captors, my army will strike. Once they've subdued the Redditors, I will have control of the internet, and once I have control of the internet, I control the world.